


The Oyster

by ButterflyBunny



Series: Avengers' Infinite Playlist [13]
Category: Daredevil (TV), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Bisexual Male Character, Bisexuality, Blind Character, Bucky Barnes Feels, Bucky Barnes Remembers, F/M, Falling In Love, Identity Porn, Impossible romance, M/M, Matt Murdock Needs a Hug, Minor Character Death, Protectiveness, Romance, Secret Identity, Songfic, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-22
Updated: 2016-03-22
Packaged: 2018-05-26 10:28:24
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,953
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6235030
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ButterflyBunny/pseuds/ButterflyBunny
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Matt had never met someone he couldn’t see through until he met him. Then he realised he wanted to know him better.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Oyster

**Author's Note:**

> This is just "[I Remember Me](http://archiveofourown.org/works/6073078)" from Matt Murdock's point of view.
> 
>  
> 
> Title inspired by the Shakespeare quote "I will not be sworn, but love may transform me to an oyster"

_[(Not About Angels – Birdy)](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kxVUee4WsoA)_

 

Matt had never met someone he couldn’t see through until he met him.

It had been a more than stressful couple of weeks for him, the year hadn’t started off as he would have liked or anyone for that matter. His personal life was a little better, things in the office were a chaos but Foggy managed to cope with his constant snapping and foul humour, while Karen turned out to be a great addition in the office. He was happy too, about the fact that those two managed were closer than he ever thought they would get. They had gotten a few cases too, nothing complicated really but it paid well enough for them to be excited about it. Still, every night after he left work and went home the noise from the city he had lived all his life was way too much for his heightened senses.

He managed to sleep a good few hours when his alarm woke him up. The creaking sound the bed made when he moved to sit on it reminded him that he needed a new one, about the sound of bone almost snapping on his back when he stretched he couldn’t do anything. The hot water helped a lot to his pain at least.

At the office he didn’t mentioned anything to Foggy, at least not infront of Karen, besides the man worried way too much about him because of the Daredevil and to be honest, it bothered Matt a little bit. Lunch time came and he had been reading an old novel Karen had recommended him, he had been half paying attention to it and half listening to the conversation between Karen and his friend. They talked a lot about music, and apparently there was a band that played in Karen’s favorite café. Matt had heard of it, but it was way too fancy and dare he say pretentious to actually feel like going. Foggy though had sounded interested in it, or maybe he was just really interested in Karen. The conversation changed when Karen mentioned the New year's party she had attended, apparently it had ended up in the front page of the newspapers since it was where Tony Stark and Steve Rogers had announced they were in a relationship. 

"I give them a year" Foggy said, "Stark is a player and well the other one is Captain freaking America"

"Don't be mean" Karen huffed.

Matt chuckled to himself and closed the book he had long forgotten.

“Lunch time” He said, standing up, “I’m going to the diner around the corner” it was met with a few hums.

“I’m going to get coffee actually” Karen said, “I’m dying for some caffeine”

“Ditto” Foggy jumped in.

Karen chuckled and grabbed her bag, the keys inside making a noise that for some reason bothered Matt. Foggy was already walking towards the door, he opened it and Karen was out first.

“If you want to come I’ll save you a seat” She said, and she was gone.

Matt smiled to himself.

The small groan that Foggy let out after the woman left was a clear sign that he didn’t realise she had invited him out again. He walked passed his friend and they both made their way out the building. The streets were as always loud and crowded, and he hated that the suit was way to hot for the weather, Hell’s Kitchen that had been freezing on December was now… Well, hell.

“Do you think she wanted me to go with her?” Foggy asked, walking faster to catch up with him.

Matt’s lips curved upwards, he licked his lips and then shrugged, “I wasn’t paying attention” he said, “Why?”

“Oh, come one, man” Foggy snorted, “I know you were! You are always paying attention”

“Are you saying I’m nosey?” He asked, faking being offended.

“No, no, no!” He said, “I’m just asking, because you know, she’s… I mean you don’t know but she’s… Whoa!”

Foggy stammered.

Matt knew he was referring to the way Karen looked. He had asked her before, of course, more than out of curiosity he just wanted to know what Foggy’s fuss was about. She insisted on him doing the whole face touching thing, but he refused politely, settling for the vague description Karen offered him. He later realised the way Foggy described her had been more than enough.

“I have an idea” Matt added quietly.

“Then you know some would same she’s out of my league” Foggy sighed.

Matt stopped walking then, even though he wanted to get to the Diner fast since he’s shoes felt like they were melting against the hot pavement. He put a hand on Foggy’s shoulder and squeezed softly, offering his best friend a warm smile.

“Karen likes you” Matt said, “And there are plenty of reasons why” his friend chuckled, “So, please, don’t sell yourself short, Foggy”

“And she invited me out and I blew it!” He exclaimed as if he had finally realised it.

Matt laughed and then continued walking. His friend groaning and cursing himself under his breath a few steps behind. When he finally caught up with him he starts talking about all the times she was possibly asking him out and he refused.

“She must think I’m playing hard to get or something!” Foggy said.

“What nerve you have” Matt exclaims, and he’s glad he manages to make Foggy laugh.

They get to the diner and he pulls out his cane. The stairs before the entrance were always tricky. Mostly because the steps were way to close to each other and for some reason they were always slippery. Foggy’s hand was on his elbow then, and when he tried to grab his arm he shook his head softly.

“I should go to her” Foggy says, “Maybe she’s still there!”

“Maybe” Matt nodded, “Maybe not” he smirked to himself as he opened the doors and the chiming sound filled his ears, the smell of steak fills his nostrils.

“Yes! I should go!” Foggy continued, in a sort of eureka moment.

“And leave your poor best friend alone?” Matt raised an eyebrow, he wanted Foggy to be sure about what he wanted.

“Please, man, please” Foggy said, “This is my only change with a woman like her!”

“She only asked you out for coffee” Matt teased, as they both sat on the booth they always sat.

The usual waitress was with them immediately, Sally, he knew it was her since she had an injure in her hip from her ballet dancing days that made her put more weight in her left foot than the right when she walked. As always, she left two cups of coffee in the the table and he thanked her while Foggy complained.

“Okay” The man continued, “I guess I will have to spend the rest of my days alone, maybe I should get a cat or go back to live with my mom and dad in-“

“You can go” Matt said finally, all teasing aside.

“Yes!” Foggy exclaimed, he stood up and kissed his in the cheek, forehead and head.

Matt chuckled as he heard Foggy leaving. He waited for the chiming sound that meant his friend was out of the diner to sigh heavily. He had being meaning to tell his friend about the problem he was having with the noise being almost unbearable to him, not that Foggy had a possible solution to it but it would have been taking the heaviness he felt on his chest off, the one he had everytime he kept thing to himself for too long. Every since Foggy found out about Daredevil it had been there, a weird feeling of guilt settling in his chest when he didn’t explain himself to Foggy.

He took his glasses off and rubbed his eyes with the heel of his hand, then cleaned the glasses. A noise made him pause, frowning slightly until a faint smell of male cologne filled his nose, he was almost certain there was a person standing next to him. Maybe infront of him, and he was actually surprised he _couldn’t_ tell. Impressed, even.

It couldn’t be Sally, she always found a topic of conversation with him. Katherine was always chewing gum very loudly and Janet tapped her heels on the floor every time she waited for the costumers to order. And Nora, who always smelled like cinnamon, was used to put a hand on his shoulder when she stood next to him.

“May I have the sugar?”

He waited a few seconds and then an answer came, “It’s right infront of you” the man muttered, “Why don’t you get it yourself?”

He blinked, taken aback by the answer.

He then tried to smiled somewhat politely and put his glasses back on, maybe the lost look in his eyes had bothered the man somehow. He then reached for the sugar with his right hand, sliding it first against the table until his fingertips bumped against the glass container. The man’s heartbeat raised, barely but noticeable for Matt.

“Oh”

“I will take that as an apology”

“I didn’t mean-“

“James” Sally’s voice called for the man, a harsh tone he had never heard her use before, “The trash isn’t going to take itself out”

With that the man left and Matt was inexplicably wanting to know more about him. About James.

 

* * *

 

The next few days he could barely focus on the office. Between the loud noise of car horns and brakes and people yelling on the streets. At least Foggy was having a great time apparently. He and Karen spent a lot of time whispering between each other and giggling like highschoolers. The night patrolling was quiet at least, in therms of crime going around. A few fist fights with a burglar here and there but they never ended up in more than faint bruises in his face and a scratch here and there.

One friday, Foggy had left early to meet with a few potential costumers and he was left in the office with Karen. Not much talk was made since she was organising the files that arrived earlier that day and he was quietly suffering the pain in his side and face, which meant he had a bruise there. He was almost finishing the book in his hands when the woman reminded him it was lunch time. Before she suggested a place he offered to invite her to the Diner. Karen was talking about the organising method she used for the files, in case he needed to look for something. Matt only nodded and walked next to her, the painkillers effect was fading and the two broken ribs were more uncomfortable than anything, really. She paused sometimes, like she was expecting him to say something about it but didn’t say anything herself until they arrived to the diner.

They sit on the same table as always when she finally asks.

“What happened there?”

“Where?”

She sighed and he could picture her rolling her eyes and pressing her lips. Gesture that Foggy had mentioned was endearing to him, but that Matt considered unnecessary scolding. He wasn’t a five year old, after all.

“I was training and the punching bag took revenge” he said, smiling softly so she didn’t worry.

Karen hummed and it sounds not convince but she seems to go with it. When he phone rings she takes it out and she starts texting, her fingers moving fast while taping on the screen and she huffs a laugh a few times.

“It’s Foggy” She said, “he got to the office and didn’t find anyone”

Matt chuckled.

He noticed her heart rate rises before chuckling again. The waitress comes back and leaves two glasses of water, Matt orders and then he leans in the table.

“You should go look for him” Matt says.

“Are you sure?” He can hear the smile splitting her face, “I mean, you invited me to eat and-“

“It’s fine” Matt shrugs, “The coffee here is terrible, I know how you two love your caffeine” he chuckles, wincing slightly when he feels a stab of pain on his ribs.

He feels her hand over his’ then, and she swallows audibly. Matt blinks under his glasses, confused for the sudden change of her heartbeat, and then he knows she notices he winced when he laughed. He thumbs the back of her hand, hoping it soothes her.

“See you tomorrow?” She asks.

“It’s Saturday tomorrow” He grins.

“You know what I mean, Matt” She says, and she is probably scowling.

“You’ll see me on Monday” Matt assures.

“Yeah”

She drinks the glass of water infront of her and she leaves in a hurry. Foggy and her had probably made plans before he even suggested she left with him.

The steak tastes as good as it smells when Katherine leaves it in front of him and he takes a bite. A few more people enter the diner and he winces every time the chiming sound hits his ears. When he finishes he asks for the check. He’s leaves a few bills on the table and before he stands he can hear the same quiet footsteps next to him, the smell of floor cleaner fills his nose and he wrinkles it because the smell of lavender is way too much with his heightened senses.

The man from before, James, was next to him and his heartbeat was as calm as always, if he focused enough in it and only it he could say it was almost soothing.

“James, is it?”

James takes a deep breath, but doesn’t say anything.

“Yes?” the man asked, “No?”

“Yeah... James”

“Matt Murdock”

He offered him his hand, and a few seconds later hand curls around his’. He smiles, and he feels the other man smiling too, but maybe he likes to think he does. The hand feels cold around his’ and he frowns slightly because is strange, James let go of his hand and Matt nods.

 

* * *

 

The third time he decides to visit the diner he doesn’t bother to ask Karen or Foggy, he actually wants to go alone this time. And he secretly hopes to find James working there. Nora is the one who takes his order. Her warm hand on his shoulder as soon as he sits on his usual booth and he smiles at her, she always asks how is work doing, Foggy and even Karen sometimes. When he tells her they are on a date she hums and clicks her tongue.

“Damn, You two looked very good together” She says and there is a hint of teasing in her voice.

Matt laughs and shakes his head, “We are just good friends, Nora”

“I saved you some pie” She says before leaving.

He’s almost finishing the pie, since the slice was as big as Nora always served him he doesn’t think he can finish it, when he hears someone next to him, the smell of disinfectant tells him James is cleaning the table next to him, quietly as always. He thinks about letting him continue but there is something about James that he can’t get away from.

“James” He says before he can stop himself, his tone as casual as he can get it.

“Yeah… Welcome back” James stammered.

“Are you new around?” Matt asked.

“Kind of” Bucky answered a few seconds later.

“Kind of?” Matt chuckled, “What does that even mean?”

“I… moved back recently” Matt hums, not really knowing what else to say.

“You?” James asks him.

“Born and raised” Matt shrugged, “Is there any apple pie left?”

“I think so”

Sally, who had probably been listening to them closely, walks by a minute later and leaves the plate of apple pie infront of Matt.

“Clean that table over there” She says, “James”

After that, they didn’t make more small talk. Matt didn’t know how to talk to the man or what to say to him, every answer he gave was closed off, like he was trying to end the conversation Matt was trying so hard to start.

“The apple pie is great” Matt says when he hear James again.

The heartbeat rises a little bit, like he’s surprised and Matt looks in his direction and points at the plate with the fork. James simply hummed, maybe he was busy Matt thought, but then he replies quietly.

“I don’t really know”

“You don’t know” Matt repeated, “You’ve never had the apple pie here?”

“No”

Matt nods, and without thinking about it, he slides the plate over the table towards the man and offers a small smile. James’ breath hitches.

“Don’t do that”

“Nora always serves me the biggest slice” He explains, “Too big, actually“ he adds, “It would be a shame if the rest went to waste… it’s really, really good”

He regrets it since it seems that he had embarrassed James, and that the man wanted nothing more to denied it and leave. And then Nora, bless he heart, speaks, startling both of them.

“Matt’s right, Jim” She says, “If you don’t, I might”

James then accepts the fork from Matt, his fingers brushing slightly against his’, and he frowns because of the coldness of them. He waits a few beats and then hears James hum involuntarily.

“Good, right?” Matt asked, his lips curving upwards because he knew the answer.

“It’s not so bad” James said instead, and a he can’t help but grin, “Let me get you the check”

 

* * *

 

After that he didn’t see James for two weeks.

He ends up in Claire’s apartment unconscious again and when he’s healed enough to leave to his own home, she tells him not to do that to her anymore and he more and understands. He doesn’t think more about it, he feels bad that it didn’t make him feel bad, and for some reason he can’t stop thinking about James when he’s in his bed that night. he can't help to think if James would go through what Claire doesn’t want to go through for him.

On Wednesday he goes to the Diner and James is not there. Nora tells him that he’s there mostly on Fridays when he’s leaving and he smiles softly at her. She also tells him that he takes a slice of pie home when he can and for some reason she chuckles.

“He’s got a jawline for days” She adds thoughtfully.

That makes Matt wonder how does the man looks, and the thought doesn’t leave his head for the next few days.

Friday arrives again and he found himself at the diner, he sits on the same booth, orders a piece of pie and when he’s leaving he asks Sally about her kid, the boy she mentions always and she chuckles saying he is learning to swim. He leaves a few more bills on the tip jar and Nora tells him that James is outside.

The cold air hits his face when he’s outside of the diner, he pulls out his walking cane and taps the tricky stairs he hates so much. He follows the smell of cigarette smoke and he knows is James, as he walks towards him he starts to fell nervous because he wants to ask him out for drinks and he can’t remember the last time he did something like that. He would be sweating if it wasn't because the night was chilly, the suit he was wearing was warm enough.

“Are you out already?”

“Yeah” James answers, “Not like I had much to do… slow day”

“There’s a bar nearby” Matt says casually, “Wanna have some drinks?”

The silence that follows makes him regret asking, he twists his hands around the cane nervously and starts tapping his feet against the cement, wanting to walk away from the possibly disastrous situation.

“Why?”

Matt thinks about it, and he decides to go for the honest answer, “Well, James, you seem like a very interesting man”

He waits and James finally says yes.

The bar wasn’t crowded, a few murmurs here and there but not the loud yells of drunk men despite the late hour, he asked for the same booth as soon as they entered, and ordered the cheapest beer they had. James ordered the same as him as he left his cane folded on the table. For some reason, he felt James was nervous as he was, tapping his fingers on the table unconsciously.

“So, James” He says, once the waitress left two beers on the table, “How long have you been back?”

“Huh?”

“You said you moved”

“Oh, right” James says, “About a year... I think”

“You think?” He chuckles softly, and regrets it as soon as James speaks again.

“Listen, Matt, I don’t really know why did you ask me-“

“Where did you go, If I may ask”

He says quickly, not wanting James to leave. When James stays quiet, he realises he just needs his time when he asks questions, so he waits. He takes his glasses off to wipe them with the hem of his shirt.

“War” James says finally.

Matt’s eyebrows knit together, his brown eyes involuntarily focusing on the place James’ voice was coming from. It really did explained a lot about James. The stealthiness he moved with, the way he tried hard to keep to himself.

“That’s where I lost my arm”

Matt nods softly, or at least he things he does. And again, he waits to hear more. James stays quiet for a while, and Matt lets him think about what he wants to say, he has the time, for James he would wait the whole night if necessary.

“I should go” James says abruptly and Matt shakes his head.

“Please, don’t” He slides his hand on the table, looking for James’, “I was waiting for you to say more”

“What?”

“You are quiet” He says retrieving his hand, “Even when you walk, at the diner, I was having a hard time knowing when you passed by me” he admits, “I guess I was just… curious”

“Curious” James says, and Matt knows he’s sitting back again slowly.

“About you, yes”

A few more seconds of silence that made Matt’s heartbeat faster. And when James finally, finally speaks again continuing their previous conversation, he lets a breath out.

“Not much to say” he says, “I was there, lost an arm, now I’m here”

Matt nods, “And you work at a restaurant, and have never eaten pie” he raised an eyebrow and smiles softly.

And for the first time all night, since he met him really he hears James laugh. A sonorous laugh that seemed to bubble from the man’s chest, a laugh that is almost contagious. Matt smiles, satisfied with himself and takes a sip from his beer. Before parting ways that day, Matt offered James his hand, the man shook it, cold hand against the warm fingers.

“I will see you later, James” he said, a small smile on his face.

“Bucky” He said, “You can call me Bucky” James adds.

“Bucky” Matt repeated, and it makes him smile, “I like that” and he really does.

 

* * *

 

Their friday night meeting became a regular thing. Matt always came before closing time, had a piece of pie and then waited until Bucky was out, they would walk together to the nearby bar and had a few drinks. They didn’t talk much about each other, which was fine by Matt, but he only grew more curious about Bucky. Wanting to ask him how he ended up going to war and back or how did he looked. The last actually kept him awake at night.

Friday came again and this time Karen tagged along with him. Foggy had been out sick and it was all Karen talked about. Since she looked really worried Matt invited her for dinner and tried to talk about a case to keep her mind off things. When Nora told them that there was chicken soup, Matt told her to get some to Foggy. James met him outside as always and they went to the bar.

James talked about his job first, mostly complaining about Eugene, while Matt drank from the whisky glass he had ordered. His nose had been broken a few days before and it still hurt so he decided to go for something a bit stronger. Half an hour past and he goes back to beer, while he talks about his father, the first personal thing he revealed about himself, when he realised it he changed the subject, talking about law school, and how he and Foggy met.

“Foggy and I have been friends ever since”

“Did you meet Karen in law school too?” James cuts him off.

His lips curved upward and then he shook his head, “No” he says, “We met a while after that”

“Oh”

“She and Foggy are close, so if you wanted me to hook you up, I’m afraid I’m not able to” he adds, trying to understand why did Bucky asked about her.

“No, no, I didn’t- I didn’t mean it like that” Bucky stammers, and Matt tried not to sigh of relief.

“How old are you?” Bucky asks, after a few seconds.

Matt smiles, “Thirty three” he says, “Why?”

“Just curious” he then adds, “You look younger than that”

“Thanks” He takes a sip from his beer, “You?”

“I don’t know, I guess I look young too…”

He laughs cheerfully.

“Sorry, I thought… never mind”

“Don’t worry about it” He waves a hand, “So, how old are you?”

“Twenty seven” Bucky answers, after a few seconds.

Matt had gotten to understand that Bucky sometimes took his time answering things. Nora had mentioned something about the man being very quiet and how he preferred to keep things to himself, Matt doesn’t get bother by it thought, and when Bucky heartbeat rises the slightest he pretends to ignore it. He doesn’t know why but he feels somehow brave enough to ask something that had been rounding his mind for weeks now.

“May I ask something personal?”

“Sure”

“How do you look?” Matt asks, feeling his cheeks burn, “I’ve been trying to picture you…” he looks trails off, “to put a face to the voice” he adds, he takes a sip from his beer and realises its empty.

“I have black hair” Bucky starts, and Matt lets out a breath, “I’m muscular, I guess” he continues, “I have a very square jaw”

Matt smiles softly, “Nora says you have a jawline for days” he says, hoping that the chuckle isn’t because is now obvious he’s asked about him.

“She suggested I shaved” Bucky mentions, “She said it covered my best feature” Matt nods, “Most say is the blue eyes”

Blue eyes. he can picture Bucky’s blue eyes as he paints his portrait in his head. Somehow he feels it doesn’t do the man’s justice, the soothing voice of his’ somehow is an indication. And for some reason, maybe the distant tone Bucky uses, or maybe how quietly the man always speaks, the blue eyes look at him sadly.

The waitress comes back with two refilled beers and takes the empty glasses. Matt takes one and wets his lips before speaking. The one thing he knows about Bucky’s appearance is he’s slightly taller than him, he knows because lately, when he and Bucky walk to the bar, he bumps their shoulders together accidentally.

“You are taller than me” he adds, “I noticed that”

“About an inch or two”

Since he doesn’t want Bucky to feel uncomfortable with the several questions he could and definitely would ask he stops himself.

“I have an idea now” the man says, “Thanks, Bucky”

And Bucky then asks the most obvious question.

“How did you… how did it happen?”

Still, it takes a few seconds to answer, “Chemical accident” he says, “I was about nine” he swallows, “It’s not… It is not something I don’t like talking about, it’s just… there isn’t anything else to know”

“I understand” Bucky says, “Do you live alone?”

His eyes crinkle with amusement, because the question could imply so much more than he knows Bucky meant by it. And he feels relieved when Bucky follows and he chuckles softly too.

“Why? Do you want to go to my place?”

“Just curious”

And he wishes he knew it wasn’t simple curiosity. They fall into a comfortable silence after that. Far behind him, there is a boxing match on the television and Matt listens to it, not really paying that much attention. He never really liked boxing much.

“Are you a boxer too?”

He chuckles not understanding Bucky’s question, “I’m a lawyer”

A few beats, “I’ve seen the- sometimes, your face-“

“That’s just… something I do on my free time” Matt interrupts, feeling defensive all of sudden.

Claire left clear that it wasn’t a good idea to share his secrets with people he felt… close to. And that’s how he felt with Bucky. The man had entered his life without even know, without making a sound, so quietly that Matt didn’t even realise. And it was a bad idea that he wanted to know more about him.

“That just makes me want to know more” Bucky says, and it sounds like a confession.

Matt shrugs a few seconds later, for some reason he feels hurt, “I guess we are even”

“What does that mean?”

Matt considers for a second if to answer that or maybe just let it go. And to he honest, that would be better. But he leans closer to Bucky.

“There seems to be lot we are not telling each other, Bucky” He says quietly, “Maybe is better if we keep it that way?”

“Yeah… Yes” Bucky says.

And when he arrives to his apartment late that night, covered in bruises and someone else’s blood, he realises he didn’t mean to say what he said. He wants to know, he needs to know more about Bucky.

 

* * *

 

The next day Foggy tells him that the man he goes to the diner for is virtually inexistent, somehow he had manage to stay off the grid since he investigated him and all he had found out was that he lived in some crappy apartment alone.

"He doesn't even own a couch!" Foggy exclaims.

Matt tells him to stay away from Bucky, and the way he manages to make it sound between a warning and protective surprises Foggy as much as he surprises him.

He spends the next weeks thinking about Bucky. About what could happen if he told him about what really goes on with him, cursing the Daredevil and even Bucky, because one time, just one night, the thought of leaving everything for him, someone who he doesn’t even know his last name, crosses his mind.

He goes to the diner again and Sally tells him she is going to get Bucky as soon as he sits on his booth. When he feels the man stand next to him he smiles at him. After he eats, Bucky is picking the empty plates when he speaks.

“Can I have some pie” He says, “Tell Nora to bring me a big slice”

Bucky’s breath hitches, “I… I will bring you some pie”

Matt grabs his hand before he can leave. He can feel there is something going on with him. Like something had happened.

“What happened?”

“She died” Bucky answers and he drops his hand, “last night, she was… killed” there is hurt in his tone, and Matt feels his chest going tight.

“Bucky” he says, “I’m sorry about that”

Bucky swallows.

“That’s life in Hell’s Kitchen” Bucky says quietly.

That fucking phrase, Matt thinks, should be the slogan of the hell of a place they all live in. The hell no one can escape from. People often used it around to shrug off the problems that happened, the problems Daredevil was trying to solve and the things he tried so hard to clean the city off. He swallows sliding a hand across the table, reaching for Bucky’s. Because an inexplicable need to touch the other man invades him.

“I knew you-“

“You don’t know anything about me” He hisses and Matt is completely takes aback, “I’ll send the pie”

And with that he leaves. Matt feels more angry that hurt. Not at Bucky, never, he understands him of course, the impotent feeling invades him, like he could have done something about it and that’s the kind of thinking that got him into all of this. He can’t do anything, no, but Daredevil can. He pulls a piece of paper out of his front pocket and writes him a message, signs with his initials and leaves.

 

* * *

 

Of course he remembers where Bucky lives, thank Foggy for that. So after he finds the men who killed Nora for less that a thousand dollars and because of her son and they put up quiet a fight he finds himself going there. Like he did with Claire long ago. And he knows how ridiculous the situation he would put Bucky in would be, but if whatever they had going on was going to end up like the thing with Claire ended then he might as well get over with it now. Silently, he hopes the result is different, because with Bucky is different. He hears a door opening.

“Bucky” he whispers.

“Who are you?” Bucky asks in menacing tone.

A few seconds later he hears the light switch and Bucky’s heartbeat rises.

“Matt”

“I got them”

He groans softly, putting a hand in his side, where the warm blood is wetting the suit, and is about to fall when Bucky catches him. And then there is no sound and no pain. He wakes up slowly. He blinks his eyes open and then touches his face, looking for the mask he was suppose to be wearing. Then he remembers about Bucky, the faint creek of the floor makes him alert.

“I-“

“I gave you some pain meds, stitched you up the best I could ” Bucky says, “I don’t think it will infect or an-“

“I got them” he bows his head, suddenly ashamed, “The men who killed Nora” he says, “they followed her expecting her to take them to her son... He owed them”

“Is that what you do on your free time?” Bucky asks, getting closer and closer to him “you are the Daredevil”

Matt nods, the throbbing pain in his side unbearable, “I wanted to tell you” he says, “After… that day, I thought about telling you, but- this is messed up” he sighs, and then adds in a somber tone, “I’m messed up“

Bucky chuckles bitterly, sitting next to him on the bed. Matt frowns, he doesn’t know what’s funny in the situation, and he braces himself for whatever Bucky wants to say next. Whether it is for him to leave or not.

“My name is James Buchanan Barnes” Bucky starts, “I was in the army a… long time ago… I was on a mission with Steve- Captain America, he was- is… my best friend, and I died” He doesn’t understand what Bucky is saying, “Or at least that’s what he thought, I fell from a train… I didn’t die but I did lost my arm, I was captured by HYDRA” he continues, “It’s an-“

“I know what HYDRA was”

He had heard everything that happened from a… not exactly a friend of his. Black Widow, they called her. He had met Natasha Romanoff the very first time he almost died on the Daredevil suit. She put on quiet a fight, and when she finally immobilised him, she told him she was on an undercover mission and she was actually trying to catch the same pigs he almost killed. She was an agent of SHIELD back then, now she’s an Avenger.

“For decades they experimented on me, they played with my head, erased my mind, making me believe I was theirs… That I was nothing but a weapon” Bucky swallows, “They called me-“

“The Winter Soldier” Matt says in realisation, “Your hand is always...” he shakes his head, “A metal arm you-“

“After Steve destroyed HYDRA I escaped… I hid”

“And you chose Hell’s Kitchen of all places” Matt blurts, and Bucky manages to chuckle softly, “Bucky-”

“So I think, Matt, that we are both messed up” Bucky finishes.

“You shouldn’t be hiding, Bucky” Matt says.

“I don’t think Steve would think the same” He says and chuckles sadly, “I could barely remember him and now I talked as if I never… left him” Matt tilts his head confused, “That’s why I’ve been hiding here... from him” he explains.

“You haven’t done anything to be hiding”

He listens to Bucky’s heartbeat hitch at his words. That tells him that he doesn’t believe it and Matt wishes that Bucky believes him, because is the truth. He doesn’t know how it feels like to be pulled apart and put back in, to be a weapon, God knows the crimes he had committed had been conciously, as for murder... He can't even imagine how that is. He thinks about saying it again, but he choses to stay quiet. Perhaps, there will be more time for that later.

Bucky’s warm body is almost pressed against his’, and Matt can’t remember when was the last time he was this close to someone else. The faint smell of cologne that was so Bucky’s fills his nostrils and Matt wonders if now is the right time to steal a kiss from him, maybe it would be the only time. But he doesn’t, because Bucky just proved he trusts him and he doesn’t want to do anything to jeopardise it. 

“Can I…” Matt’s hand reaches for Bucky’s, “Your arm” he asks.

“Okay” Bucky whispers.

Matt’s fingers touch the fingertips of the metal ones, a small frown on his face because is not as cold as metal is suppose to be, it doesn’t feel like lifeless metal should feel. It’s almost as if there is a heartbeat in it. He run his fingers from the palm of his hand to the forearm, a normal person would never hear the faint creaking sound coming from under the metal when Bucky moves it. He wants to ask him about it, but maybe Bucky doesn’t even know how the arm works. He then moves from his elbow to his shoulder, until his fingers get to the part where the metal ends and there is skin. Bucky jerks back a little when he touches him there.

“I’m- I’m sorry” He stammers, thinking he probably hurt him.

“No, no, it’s fine” Bucky says, “I just… I haven’t been touched there”

“Does it hurt?”

“No” Bucky says, “Maybe… I think I’m used to it”

Matt nods, his eyebrows knitted together while he touches the arm again. And he feels the hairs of Bucky’s flesh arm rise when he touched his shoulder again, probably sending shivers down his spine. And he can feel Bucky’s discomfort but when he’s about to retrieve his hand he grabs it and puts it agains his cheek. Matt smiles softly and Bucky leaves a shaky breath out while the thumbs his jaw. Stubbled, sharp, and firm.

“You have a jawline for days” He says quietly and Bucky chuckles.

Matt licks his lips and moves his hand to his cheek and then his eyelids and eyebrows. He was right before, the way he pictured him was nothing compare to how he really looked. The hand then touches his lips, and before it’s too long he goes back to his cheek and cheekbones, then he touches his hair. Soft and long, tangling with his fingers.

“You didn’t tell me you had long hair” Matt whispers, because they are so close that talking loud would be useless.

“Yeah” Bucky whispers back.

“I like it” Matt’s lips curve upwards and he touches Bucky’s lips.

Making sure the man is smiling back, because in his head he wants him to be smiling. And when Matt thumbs his bottom lip he thinks about kissing it, his cheeks feeling warm and his head feeling light all of sudden.

“Bucky” Matt says, eyelids feeling heavy.

“Mmm?”

“I meant it, you know?” he whispers, “You haven’t done anything to be hiding”

He wants to assure him that, even if telling him that would mean that Bucky had to leave Hell’s Kitchen. To leave him.

“I think those pain meds are kicking in” he adds.

“Yeah” Bucky nods and he stands from the bed, “You should rest”

“Where are you sleeping?” Matt asks.

Bucky turns the light switch off, “I’ll sleep on the couch”

Matt waits for Bucky to say he doesn’t have a couch, because he really doesn’t and when he doesn’t say anything, Matt lays carefully on the bed, groaning softly before closing his eyes. Bucky is leaving when a thought comes to his head.

“If things don’t work out in New York” He says, “You can always come back here”

Matt wakes up before the sun goes out. He reaches the nightstand and finds a piece of paper where he leaves him a message. When he enter the bathroom hears Bucky snoring softly in the bathtub and he feels a small stab of guilt. He leaves promising himself to make up for it.

 

* * *

 

It takes about two weeks of him going to the Diner and not finding him and going to his apartment to find it empty, to realise that Bucky wasn’t coming back. 

 

It takes him longer than that to convince himself that perhaps it's for the best.

 

 

 

_“How unfair, it’s just our luck… found something real that’s out of touch...”_


End file.
